First and foremost, difficult decisions are best accomplished by having discussions that result in learning old and new things for both the senior in need and also the responsible family member. And that is accomplished by the 3 L’s: listen, look and learn. Listen to each other and try to hear beyond the words to the outstanding reason that now is a good time for a caregiver discussion. Oftentimes, the senior will ask for help balancing the checkbook. By relaying or listening to any apprehensions about paying bills, feelings of exhaustion, burdens with daily living, events in the neighborhood and trouble with household items, you both can find it is an opportune time to discuss a caregiver’s presence. Next, together look around the house in the kitchen, refrigerator, bathroom, and medicine cabinet and inspect the home for the necessities, safety, cleanliness, etc. And then you both can formulate an exhaustive list of the problems that need to be rectified. Finally, learn about each other, that is the living situation in its totality and keep an open mind. Knowledge is power and we want to empower you seniors to live independently or with the best possible help at home.
After having done the 3 l’s: listen, look and learn, the next effective step and method is to provide ample conversation at opportune times so that both the family member and the senior clearly understand the benefits of caregiver. (See the previous section.) It is all about the benefits. Remember also these three C’s when it comes to the caregiving conversation: commitment, confidence and control.
Commitment is first sought more by conveying enthusiastically the positive results that the senior will experience by their acceptance of a caregiver than by an overemphasis of the negative consequences without one. Ensure the senior understands the reasons (features) and benefits by using appropriate language and open ended questions in order to elicit comprehension and avoid misinterpretations. We cannot overemphasize that support and empathy in communicating the benefits goes a long way to garnishing the seniors ‘acceptance of a caregiver.
Confidence is the key to implementation. Listen and look for agreements and search for empathy such as instances where they or you could use another person’s help. After each conversation, gauge their level of confidence by asking on a scale of 1 to 10, how confident are you about your acceptance of a caregiver? Once they provide a number, ask him or her what would raise that number for you. Always be patient, educate each other on your needs and desires, ask for support from others that you both trust, gather momentum, give reassurance, suggest a trial run and be present during the interview and trial. Confidence will also dramatically increase from the repeated positive encounters with the caregiver.
Control is something that we all want to feel at whatever age we are because it implies power and security. Reassure them about control and remember to that no matter how hard you try to influence or subtly persuade them , they will assert their independence and autonomy. Give the senior options and choices and work together rather than dictate how things will be done. Negotiation \reinforces the feeling of control. This will lead to follow through with the requisite trust and commitment.
Finally, as the adult children or relatives of seniors, your role is to provide encouragement, assurance, enlightenment and whatever else it takes for the caregiver to be accepted. Try any and all methods so that together you can reach an agreement on the caregiver. A good sales person always believes that every no is closer to a yes so keep trying. You know your parents or relatives best. So you are the best advocate as to means in order to for them to gain acceptance on whether to have a caregiver come into the privacy of their home. I as your personal senior care specialist find a united effort by all siblings most helpful.
For some as a last resort, the fear factor may work, but you know your folks better than us. Beg, scare and even withdraw your help because you may be an enabling them not to hire a caregiver. Why should they if you come every time they call. I bet they even call you to call 911. Invoke an aunt or uncle for assistance to reason with and persuade them. Ask someone that they know who has a caregiver. Do whatever you must to overcome the stubbornness and resistance. Here is a link to “How to Give People Advice” from wikiHow. In the end, unfortunately it may come to where poor nutrition, unsanitary living conditions or a hospitalization which becomes the crisis where the insistence on a caregiver can be placed on their doctor or in fact the blame can be put on the hospital.
Let’s work together before a crisis occurs so that you seniors can start enjoying the benefits of a caregiver now! Together Helping Seniors is here to maximize your comfort in the hiring process. Our senior care specialist minimizes the cost through efficient utilization of the caregiver’s actions by careful systematic planning and implementation.